Upright apology toolkit
When you make an apology that’s upright, that’s empowered, it feels fantastic. You feel strength in it. You feel responsible. You feel empowered.
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Ali Abdaal
YouTuber, Productivity Expert
"AOA is absolutely life-changing. It’s helped every aspect of my life including productivity, purpose and happiness.
Step 1
The upright apology
When you are using the apology as a tool of self-transformation as responsibility, it is not about wrong. It is just about that’s not the way I want to behave. I am acknowledging that, and I am taking responsibility for that.
There is a quick hack, which is when you apologize, never use the word ‘you’. Never make it about them. It is always about you.
Watch - The Upright Apology
Step 2
Shame just doesn’t work
If I apologize with shame, then the thing I am doing is going to reoccur.
Shame is absolutely an emotion that comes up that we don’t want to feel, and so we try to avoid it, but at the same time shame is the thing that locks bad habits in place.
Watch - You see the pattern. Now what?
Step 3
There is no shame in making mistakes
If I am in a fight with somebody, I will stop and look for any way that I can apologize that’s in integrity, that’s empowered. I will think I am in the fight. It means I am responsible somehow. What is it that I can apologize for that feels empowered? I will apologize for it.
1. Listen - Emotional Inquiry
2. Watch - The Shame Hot Potato
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