How A Narcissist is Made

The word "narcissist" has been thrown around so casually that it has effectively replaced calling someone an "asshole." However, this reflexive labeling often prevents the very thing that could actually heal the dynamic. In this episode, Joe and Brett offer a different lens on narcissism: not as a category of "bad people," but as a spectrum we are all on, rooted in an inability to feel.

Together, they explore what's actually happening underneath narcissistic behavior, why the person on the receiving end is often doing very similar internal work, and how genuine healing happens on both sides of the dynamic.

They discuss:

- Why "narcissist" has become a defensive way to call someone an asshole

- Alexander Lowen's definition: narcissism as the inability to feel

- The spectrum from aggressive to passive narcissism (and how everyone lands somewhere on it)

- Why the "I'm more humble than you" move is still narcissism

- The role healthy narcissism plays in leadership, art, and building anything meaningful

- Containing vs. confronting: how to hold a loving boundary that doesn't trigger shame

- Why so many people who get called assholes actually want to be met with a boundary

- The symbiotic pull: why some people go through life looking for a narcissist to attach to

- Handing off your doubt as the seductive comfort of narcissistic relationships

- Why healed narcissism becomes the leadership we all actually want

- Working with your own anger to meet the attack without collapse or counter-attack

- Owning your own narcissism: the shadow work required on both sides

- Seeing the innocence: the child who was never cared for, built for war